by Michele Morin
When my husband and I were still a “young couple,” we used to laugh over an imagined scenario at our church:
“What ever happened to that young couple with all the boys?”
“Haven’t you heard? They divorced – someone said that they just grew apart, that they didn’t know each other anymore.”
“No! They were here at church all the time! How could something like that have happened?”
Truly, it’s not funny, but we laughed because we knew that even though our church family loved us, if we had said, “Yes,” to all the ministry opportunities that were pressed upon us, it wouldn’t be long before this was our fate. Fortunately, we were able to remember their love for us as we made decisions to become the guardians of our own margins and boundaries.
For many people, the church has a reputation to overcome. It’s hard to trust The Body when you’ve been burned by its members. For various reasons, believers are staying home on Sunday mornings, and the experts say that only 20% of Americans attend church regularly. Certainly, anyone who has done time in the pew can find a reason to gripe: lack of appreciation; not liking the pastor/the music/the sermons/the color of the carpet; unsatisfying or turbulent relationships. All of this should be no surprise to us, for even the healthiest, most vibrant fellowships are populated with . . . well, sinners. There’s really no one else to come to church!
[Please note: I’m not talking about cases of spiritual abuse in which people who have no business being in ministry use their position to take advantage of others in order to meet their own needs. I’m referring to interpersonal conflict, disagreements of style and method, and the misunderstandings that often lead to grudges.]
Even if you feel as if you have been burned by the body of Christ, the church is still God’s means of providing fellowship and spiritual food for His flock. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a single man whose life was cut short by a Nazi noose while he was still in his thirties, managed to capture the essence of fellowship in the body of Christ with these words:
“The Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s Word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged, for by himself he cannot help himself . . .”
To me, this “speaking God’s Word” to one another is the way we stay on the path, the way we persevere in the life of faith. In his book, Life Together, Bonhoeffer referenced Psalm 133, an anthem that celebrates unity and community, and, in the psalm, two metaphors emerge:
1. Oil: a sign of God’s presence and a symbol of the Holy Spirit.
“Life together” for Dietrich Bonhoeffer meant that the believer is anointed by the Spirit to speak truth into the life of another because “Christ in his own heart” provides stability, making him a “bearer and proclaimer of the divine word of salvation.”
When I am allowing God to work in me, the oil of the Spirit lubricates my rusty, crusty, and complaining relational joints. He keeps me from throwing sparks, and He smooths the places where my ideas rub roughly against another’s.
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious oil upon the head, Running down on the beard, The beard of Aaron, Running down on the edge of his garments,” (Psalm 133:1,2)
To be honest, my stain pre-treating, laundry-doing, 21st century heart quails at the mention of all that oil running onto Aaron’s robes, but for the sojourner, traveling to Jerusalem and singing Psalm 133 on the barren and dusty Judean roads, the song would have carried a message of refreshment and relief. Likewise, the work of the Spirit in those who believingly follow Jesus in my church community provides renewal and refreshment for me. Sharing the way God’s Word is changing them, testifying to the evidence of His active presence in their circumstances, they are precious oil, for even during times when God seems silent in my own world, I am encouraged by His “very present help” in their lives.
2. Dew: a symbol of refreshment and blessing
Mount Hermon, with an altitude of over 9,000 feet, would have seen some dewy mornings, much to the envy of those living in barren, dry Jerusalem.
It is like the dew of Hermon, Descending upon the mountains of Zion; For there the Lord commanded the blessing— Life forevermore. (Psalm 133:3)
In the same way, I am refreshed and renewed by the enthusiasm and spiritual hunger of the women in my Sunday school class. From my “forever young” octogenarian to the twenty-somethings with their passion for outreach, each week their love for learning God’s Word and their compassionate impulses fuel my flagging spirit.
“How can I send help to that family who lost everything in the flooding?”
“Can we put together a special encouragement package for our pastor’s wife? I’ll bring the basket!”
Oh, yes, my friend! Bring the basket!
Bring on the dew!
Let the oil of the Spirit run, and let this delightful community of faith flourish under His renewal, His strengthening, and His encouragement!
This post first appeared here. Photo by David von Diemar on Unsplash
Michele Morin is a teacher, reader, writer, and gardener who blogs at Living Our Days. She has been married to an unreasonably patient husband for over 25 years, and their four children are growing up at an alarming rate. She is active in educational ministries with her local church and her writing has appeared at SheLoves Magazine, The Mudroom, (in)courage, and elsewhere. Michele loves hot tea and well-crafted sentences, poems that stop her in her tracks and days at the ocean with the whole family. She laments biblical illiteracy, finds joy in sitting around a table surrounded by women with open Bibles, and advocates for the prudent use of “little minutes.” You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Editors’ note: If you’ve never read Bonhoeffer’s classic Life Together, we highly commend it to you. And if you use the link below to order the book from Amazon, your purchase will help support this website.
Thank you Michele, this was a good reminder of why we should be assembling together each week. Being a pastor’s wife for 15+ years, I have lots of stories as you can imagine. There’s one that happened recently which tells us why our attendance is important. An older man with many many health complications shuffles into church every week he can. It takes effort for him to come and effort for his wife to get him there. One of our members, recovering from a stroke said she thought of this man Ken and his determination to be in church. It helped her persevere through her recovery. Our attendance is important. Thanks again for your review and thoughts of this book. ~ Abby
We really do need each other, if for no other reason than to let the “iron sharpening iron” of community move us along in the painful process of becoming more like Christ and less like our unaltered, myopic selves.
Thanks, Abby, for your role in not only supporting your husband’s ministry, but for the unique and very pivotal role you play in the Body of Christ, His eyes of compassion, His hands of service (and crocheting lovely things), His listening ears that respond in love.
Perhaps we’d all do well to remember what you said early in this piece: “All of this should be no surprise to us, for even the healthiest, most vibrant fellowships are populated with . . . well, sinners. There’s really no one else to come to church!” This is me, it’s us and it’s a reminder of how much grace is needed inside the church body too. Thank you for this honest view of community.
Yes to grace!
And if I do not come into contact with the uncomfortable truth that I am prejudiced and self-centered and easily provoked, I will think that I can get along in this world without the kind of love described in I Corinthians 13.
Thanks, Debby, for coming alongside me here in agreement that we really do need each other for so many reasons.
I know I can’t help myself and so I go to be in fellowship with other believers in a safe place. Are we prefect? No! Far from it. But they are family to me and just as my biological family is precious, so are they. I am sad that so few people engage in worship together today. Oil and dew are lovely metaphors for the blessings I receive each week when I worship in community.
Like you, Molly, I’m chiming in with those disciples who said, “To whom shall we go? You have the words of life.”
Everything on this planet is twisted and imperfect because of our fallenness, but even so I cannot imagine life without the church’s foreshadowing of the perfect communion we will experience one day.
So well said, Michele! Thank you for this reminder of the benefits and importance of continuing to meet with a Church Body, even when negative experiences tempt us to leave. As you said, even the best churches are filled with sinners, saved by grace. We need to remember that we are just as great of sinners ourselves and needed the forgiveness of Christ for our far greater debt to Him. In light of that kind of forgiveness, how can we refuse to forgive our brothers and sisters for lesser wrongs? But I need to remind myself of that truth frequently, especially when a fellow Christian is the cause of hurt or frustration. But forgiveness will set us free!
Yes, Jerusha, I’m so thankful for the forgiveness of God–and for the graciousness of people I’ve offended over the years.
We sort of labor under the assumption that we were put on this earth to have our own way and to be surrounded by appreciative admirers, and there’s nothing like a body of fellow sinners to forcibly disavow that notion!
This is when I normally would remain silent rather than appear to be contrary but this topic, when discussed, rarely includes the ‘what about…?” So I put this here, not as rebuttal but on behalf of so many who feel a societal pressure or guilt for choosing to be separate.
You know the old adage about not being able to compare apples and oranges? For me any discussion or debate about the merits of belonging to a church body falls within this sort of comparison. There are many reasons for the rising statistics that reveal people are leaving organized religion. What is missing is what they are doing otherwise. We don’t know if they have reverted to a replacement worship, like having a home church, just as so many are choosing homeschool over traditional schools.
Neither can we know the numbers who have simply thrown the baby out with the bath water and stopped seeking a relationship with Christ merely on the basis of a bad experience with church(es), as though Church = Christ. Period.
The statistics seem to imply there is only either/or. People belong to a church and attend regularly or they don’t. They are righteous or they are reprobate.
But I submit that, just as always, there are many variables that make it impossible to determine what is best for an individual. I say, what works for you is what is best. I am a Christian who does not belong to a church but I am not a proponent nor activist for abandoning organized religion either. It’s my walk and I don’t suggest it to anyone else. Many in my circle of family and friends are devoted to their church affiliations. This includes both protestant and catholic faith. From fundamentalists to modern mega church to small church traditionalists. They have good reasons for being there.
Regardless the new age concept of many paths to God, from the Christian view there is only One Way. However we are allowed and encouraged to have a personal relationship with Christ, available even outside of religion, and once we know what that is, whether shared within a group or not, we need not feel it must be defended either way.
All that matters to me is, whatever one chooses, however one decides is the best vehicle for serving God, whether by bus or unicycle – just make sure you do it for Him. Do it honestly because He is worthy to be served and understand that He is capable of making the way clear for you to serve in many more ways than are defined as standard that can be seen and measured by the eyes of the world.
I LOVE every word of your comment. Thank you for not remaining silent.
Meema, you already know that I am a fan of your sweet reasonableness, and I’m extremely thankful that you’ve brought it to this conversation, even if you would rather have remained safe and silent. I certainly see the danger of equivocating unchurched with unsaved, and having lived in the south for a while, I was exposed to a culture in which church is a smokescreen for some thoroughly deceived people who think they’re fine as long as they show up on Sunday with a check.
My impression is that you are surrounded by family and friends who affirm you in your faith, and my only “gripe” (if I have one at all) is that you would be such a huge asset to a fellowship of believers just by your tendency to show up with honesty and a servant’s heart.
At any rate, I’m thankful that you “show up” in so many places where I receive the benefit of your grace-filled insights and creative interaction with life on this planet.
Michele, dear heart, you are always so gracious and I know you understand that I’ve been at this a long time – LONG! Over the course of this journey I have often remained silent for a variety of reasons. When I was younger, it was so that I did not have to suffer being ostracized or looked down on, judged. As I grew older (and crustier), and, I admit, more spiritually mature, I remained silent when I knew there was no place to plant a seed. Fallow ground.
Took me awhile but I finally figured out that my only real mandate is as sower. I’m not a harvester. I fully understand that I was set aside for a specific reason and further I know I am not unique in any way. There are others, a silent minority. On those occasions when I do feel compelled to throw out a seed, I also know that someone down the line will have the exact right words that others can hear to bring it to harvest. I have no problem with this particular assignment because I was constructed not to care about being noticed or getting credit – neither do I demand to be right – I just like seeing good results even if it’s down the road.
And, yes, I have a large loving tribe who understand my solitary walk. They all have their own walks too – most of them in a church somewhere. Even so, there have been three times in the past dozen years when I was called upon to baptize someone because there was no church to do it. Me – imagine that! But that’s because no one questions my faith or my commitment to serve Christ in whatever He calls me to. No one sees me as any less a Christian than the church member.
My only reason for speaking out this time was not for those who feel their service is best given in a community, but for those who feel called out and don’t know what to do with their choice. Who feel guilty and somehow cast out. To those I say, there are many many ways to serve, most of which are not in the Church Playbook and can never be acknowledged – except that God knows. 🙂
This sounds like an amazing book. I have never heard of it, so thank you for recommending it! “Oil & Dew”…I will have to remember that. So many good points in this post, Michele. Thanks for sharing!
That Bonhoeffer quote comes from Life Together. I’ve quoted from it in a number of places, and read other peoples’ writing in which he is quoted, AND I’ve read a number of Bonhoeffer biographies, but, oddly, I have yet to read an entire book by Bonhoeffer.
So . . . I have Life Together sitting on my bookshelf now, and it’s on my list for 2018. I can hardly wait!
I really appreciate your encouragement to us today, Michele. I believe that Scripture is clear on the need to gather together as believers–as one family. We are too often tempted in the day-to-day and I, for one, would have made many, many bad choices without the comfort, prayers, encouragement and support from my fellow-believers throughout the years. I don’t know how believers, like the one commenting above, can make it in life, living independently from others in the Christian fellowship, support and care of our churches. I’m not judging her, just wondering how she is able to stand strong in the fray without linking arms with other believers in the day-to-day bonds we find in our churches.
Michele – Well said! So many times we turn on the church because we feel as though it has failed us. Quite honestly we are the church!. We are all sinners and will fail over and over again that is exactly why we need God.
Thank you for a difficult topic to tackle, and you did it with such grace.
Oh, thanks, Maree! We are the church, and we love to hate on ourselves, don’t we!?
If we are honest, however, I think we’ll agree with you that our bumping and bruising in community does reveal our need of God more than our safe solitude!
Michele, I’m always saddened when I hear of people who stop going to church because of a bad experience. Although I understand their hesitancy, I try to explain that they are in essence punishing themselves by missing out on being part of a loving body of Believers. My husband and I have had several very negative experiences in churches, but we kept seeking until the Lord planted us exactly where He wanted us where we are now using our time, talents and treasures and as well as being loved by the body.
Thank you for sharing your insights that it all begins with each individual. We can only control ourselves, as it should be. And in so doing, grace will abound in the local church body.
Blessings,
Thank you, Karen, for your testimony of persevering through hard times.
My own experiences in that regard have galvanized me in the direction of NOT being that person who would send someone running for the door. And to be honest, that can be a challenge, because as “church ladies” we can be kind of obtuse and it’s easy to land flat-footed into the middle of a conversation with unhelpful contributions.
Always Always Always trusting for grace in this following life . . .
Michele,
It’s hard when you’ve seen your child burned badly by the body that makes up the church. But we DO so need each other. Like D. Bonhoeffer says the Christian, by himself, cannot help himself. (paraphrased). We need the anointing oil and refreshing dew. I am amazed to see how God will continually woo those who have burned by other Christians back to Himself and back to His beloved church. He know best what we need. As the saying goes, “If church were only for saints, the pews would be empty.”
Blessings,
Bev xx
Oh, mercy, yes, and I certainly would not be qualified to attend.
Thanks, Bev, for these great insights and for a fresh reminder that the working of God’s Spirit in individual hearts is what keeps the Body functioning.
Over the weekend, I had a conversation with a colleague who no longer attends church for many of the reasons you mentioned in this post. Some of the most horrible people I’ve ever met in my entire life have been met at church. I should never go to church again, however, I’m not going to give the devil that victory. He would love nothing more than to see me stop going to church, then stop reading my Bible, then stop praying, then finally give up on my relationship with God and turn away from the faith. Never gonna happen!
I attend church because it’s a part of growing the most important relationship in my life. Not going to church is never going to be an option for me. As you mentioned in the post, “The Christian by himself cannot help himself.” Discernment is the key to knowing with whom to share our struggles. Let’s be real, everyone who attends church is not a nice person. We need discernment to lead us to those whose hearts are truly turned toward God.
Absolutely right thinking, Yvonne.
It can take a sinewy faith to survive Life Together in the Body, and it sounds as if you’re exercising it.
Here in Northern New England, finding a church that teaches the truth and is populated with winsome and compatible souls is a HUGE challenge. We’ve also had our bumps in the road, but I don’t know what I’d do without the people who hold me accountable and encourage me in this following life!
Blessings to you!
Oil and dew. Those are definitely good reasons, Michele. I pray that the church will regain a better reputation for loving God and loving people in the years to come. It’s not been a good season of late. Thanks for sharing these encouraging words of hope!
It’s true. This is a dry season for the Church, and your words remind me of the importance of praying for the Body of Christ as a whole, truly a rebuke to my small and localized prayers.
Thanks, Lisa.
There’s nobody to go to church except a bunch of sinners. Such truth. And where there is sin, there is discord. So, we can learn how to resolve conflicts with biblical wisdom within the walls of the church and then take it outside. But it is fairly evident, that as a society, we are not learning conflict resolution with mutually beneficial outcomes. Great read, Michele!
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we, as the church, could stand as an example of a community that has learned to disagree agreeably, to love broadly and well, and to impact our communities in a positive way? I know this is the goal, and we fall so short at times with our small and petty preferences taking up all the oxygen in the room.
Thanks, Liz, for the encouragement of your presence here.
This is a post for the generations. How can we be oil and dew for others? I see the trend of church members not regularly attending. We are a small church so it is very evident. I know what it’s like for families of young kids but they are forgetting the blessing of being in community and how that grows the parents and the children.
The other thing that struck me is the quote from Bonhoeffer. I am involved in a lot of discipleship and the quote made me think of that.It’s that “life together” piece that I feel many don’t treasure. They let their busy lives dictate their path instead of God. Great insight and wisdom. I love the richness of your words.
Oh, thanks, Mary, I love that Bonhoeffer quote for both reasons, too. In fact, I sent it to a friend some time ago with whom I’ve “done life” for years and years and who has “spoken God’s Word to me again and again” when I’ve needed it.
It’s the showing up, Sunday after Sunday, in all seasons of our lives that we truly get to know one another. There are members of my church family who read my blog, and their great gift to me in this is that I know I had jolly well better sound the same way in print as I sound when I sit with them on a Sunday morning–or when I’m in their home or they’re in mine. It’s so easy to become a disembodied voice. Church life keeps everything very real.
It’s true. If you’re around church long enough, you will get wounded, offended, and taken advantage of! But those things are also the things God uses to grow us as we learn to lay down our preferences, seek out those who have hurt us, and learn to reconcile relationships. Thanks for talking about an important subject. Blessings!
As a veteran yourself, Donna, you know the importance of those healthy boundaries. It’s good for us, in a safe community, to say the word “no” and to learn that the earth did not come unhinged from its moorings.
Of course,this can be messy, right? Thanks be to God for His unfailing mercy as we work together to put Him on display in our communities.
Wonderful post, Michele! I enjoyed the thoughts on oil and dew that you pulled out from Ps. 133. That chapter also talks about dwelling together in unity. Rejection rejects. Harboring hurt divides. It is my prayer that the body of Christ will learn how to forgive and be healed from hurt and rejection that the Body can be strong in unity once again.
Forgiveness is such a huge part of life on this planet, and we delay, we throw gritty sand into the gears of our interactions with others. Thanks for the reminder from your own heart of faithful prayer that we need to be asking God all the time for grace to live together in unity.
Thank you for this wonderful post Michele! The Lord keeps teaching me more about the bigness and the beauty of His Body, even as I am in a place where it’s not often that I can get out for a church service. After having been in leadership for so many years, I am being humbled again & again by the beauty of His people all over the world! This thought, especially with my own joint issues, jumped out at me: “When I am allowing God to work in me, the oil of the Spirit lubricates my rusty, crusty, and complaining relational joints. He keeps me from throwing sparks, and He smooths the places where my ideas rub roughly against another’s.” Oh, what a miracle that He does that! Blessings to you!
It really is a miracle, and I’m also in awe of your gracious release of leadership and visibility in the body for a more humble and hidden role. We’re all headed in that direction, aren’t we? And I am thankful for your trail of bread crumbs toward peaceful acceptance of God’s will and provision for you in this season. You’re always a blessing to me, Bettie.
A keen reminder next time we’re prone to complain about anything / everything that’s connected with the Body of Christ.
May we be refreshers and renewers, not whiners, petty and small.
Good stuff, Michele. As ever …
Oh, heavens, yes! Lord, deliver me from my tendency to slip into the role of the gray-headed whiner! There’s so much good to drag my eyes away from the negative, if only I will take the grace that’s extended so my heart can receive it all.
Thanks, Linda, for cautionary words!
Michele is one of my favorite online presence and present!!! She has been a gift to me. xo
As you are to me, Susan.
Thanks for your eyes here today!
Excellent. When we stop meeting together, we stop meeting up with the Holy spirit – our best guest. thanks, again,Michele.
Sue, leave it to you to put a hospitality spin on this topic. Yes, it’s truly all about meeting with Him and not getting in His way with our petty preferences and our small expectations.
I love this, Michele. I’ve long been aware of the verse in Psalm 133 but had never mined all that application from it. (And I had wondered, too, about all that oil seeping into clothing!) And the dew of Hermon was a phrase that flew right past me. Thanks for bringing out these truths. I’m often surprised when others express surprise at conflicts within the church – as you said, it can’t be made up of anything but sinners. All those verses in the NT epistles about forgiving and forbearing were written to Christians in churches – an admission that there would be conflicts, instructions for how to deal with them, and assurance that the church is still valuable even when our feathers get ruffled.
Hmmm, yes some of that messy oil would also be good for smoothing ruffled feathers, wouldn’t it?
And unfortunately, there’s no one else to fill the pews besides all of us fallen people. It’s a mercy that things go as well as they do, and I’ve certainly been the beneficiary of so much grace over the years as those who worship with me practice forgiveness and forbearance.
We need each other to combat our selfishness, and I think that gets to be more of an issue as we get older.
Thanks, Barbara, for joining the conversation today!
this is a wonderful reminder , Michele! My pastor calls this the “Gone Generation.” People are giving up on the church, and choosing to stay home on Sunday mornings instead. It’s sad. And yet there are so many deeply hurt people! I feel as though we (the church) are missing something…Thoughts I’ve been pondering. Great post!
Thanks Suzy.
Great argument for persevering with the church ! I know how hard it can be for just the reasons you mentioned but I agree with you, there is too great a benefit to consider life apart from the body of Christ. Thanks for sharing this👌