For those who can’t come up with their own list of things to do, try, or see before they die, there are quite a few helpful websites offering bucket list ideas including 329 Bucket List Ideas, 101 Things To Do Before You Die, and for you overachievers, 10,000+ Bucket List Ideas for Designing Your Best Life.
I have decidedly mixed feelings about bucket lists. I’ve always been envious of those who can create and set fascinating personal goals for themselves. I know people at midlife who’ve run their first marathons, taken up watercolor or photography, or launched a business born of long-cherished passion. My own life’s experience has not always left room for the naming and claiming of these kinds of dreams.
The last couple of decades of my life leading up to and through midlife have been a series of crisis responses as I’ve faced a series of big losses including both parents, a relationship with another cherished relative, the empty nest, my husband’s unemployment, and a splintered church family. While some motivational speakers like to note that the Chinese characters forming the word “crisis” come from the words “danger” and “opportunity”, that kind of thinking is foreign to me when I’m in the middle of a tornado – or picking through the scattering and chaos that follows one.
I recognize some of the ways God has been at work in the crisis-whirlwinds that have moved through my life, re-shaping and maturing me. These detours from the life I would have scripted for myself are opportunities, I suppose, though I wouldn’t automatically categorize them as such. I am a different (and I hope, better) human being than I would have been if my own Wonderful Plan For My Life had come to pass.
I’ve also dealt with chronic illness and a couple of tough injuries during the last decade. That pyramid diagram you probably met in a Psychology 101 class called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs reminds me that it is almost impossible to think about higher-level needs for accomplishment and self-improvement when a person is focused on survival issues. I recognize that bucket lists are a luxury afforded to people living in places where their basic needs have been met. A man living in a refugee camp in the Middle East or a woman imprisoned in North Korea are probably not dreaming about how to fulfill their bucket list items.
Despite those really good reasons for resisting the idea of a bucket list, not long ago, I realized I was also carrying an unspoken fear of failure when it came to setting new goals for myself. The big dreams I once nurtured didn’t come to pass. Midlife for me has been a time of right-sizing those hopes. But it occurs to me that perhaps I’ve ridden that swinging pendulum a bit too far in the other direction and given up dreaming altogether as a result.
Maybe I need to start small at this point in my life. In light of my losses and limitations, my bucket list now includes bite-sized items like:
- Grow more attentive to God’s beauty around me.
- Grow more attentive to ways I can show God’s kindness to those around me.
- Read more fiction. Reconnect with my own imagination.
- Now that we’ve moved to the Gulf Coast of Florida, go see one sunset a week. (Related to my desire to attend to beauty – but also connected to a desire for simple celebration.)
- Find a spiritual director to walk with me through this latest time of transition in my life.
- Seek new, creative ways to bless and stay connected to my family.
I’m about to turn 60 years old. The “bucket” part of a bucket list looms a little larger than it did ten or twenty years ago. Though my measuring cup-sized list will never land on one of those bucket list websites, it feels hopeful to name a few small goals. As I do, I orient myself toward taking some steps toward building some new practices into my life to achieve those goals in much the same way I might during Advent or Lent. Most of the items on my list don’t cost anything except my time and attention, but they can grow my soul, helping me to (1) love God and (2) love neighbor a little better. And that two-item bucket list is what life is all about, isn’t it?
Question for you, Perennials: Does the idea of a bucket list inspire you or irritate you? Why do you say so?
Cover photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash
I’m more of a homebody and an enjoying the everyday kind of girl than a living for big moments kind, so a bucket list has never appealed to me. Except that I do hope to at least publish the book I am working on and hopefully pen a few more before it’s all over with.
My husband is a few years away from retirement yet, but he’d like to travel when that time comes. I have physical issues that would make that hard for me, and I hate that for him.
I like your list!
Cheering you on as you work on that book, Barbara!
Irritate, irritate, all the way! Some of that is born of envy for those who, as you point out, are comfortable and secure enough in their daily life to have room for further achievements or challenges. But also, for myself, I prefer spontaneity, and all this loud insistence on listing and planning and accomplishing looks so alien and full of pressure.
I could use more spontaneity in my life, Cordelia. I am an oldest child married to an oldest child, and both of us are planners and project managers by habit. These can be really useful skill sets, but also don’t leave much room for spontaneity. You are right about the way the announcing, listing, planning, accomplishing of goals (accompanied by Instagram-worthy images) carries performance-based pressure.
What’s one thing that’s happened in your life that was unplanned but a wonderful, spontaneous surprise? –Michelle
In so many ways your list is counter-cultural (and wonderful!). It seems as though we are missing out if we do not have those fabulously long and adventurous lists. Some might even suggest we are lazy or have just “settled” for less. We may do some great things but if have not developed the ability to see and appreciate beauty and connection, and the simple pleasures we will miss out on the big things as well. So kudos for having a list that is realistic, that allows space and seeks love above all else. ❤️
Thank you for the kind words. – Michelle
It irritates me. I agree with the other comments about a list is a point of pressure that isn’t appealing to me. Most of the time it’s better to go with what the Lord puts in front of me, and if it’s a particularly “buckety” looking event I’ll just smile brighter and enjoy the blessing. Praying for open eyes and an open mind to see those opportunities.
“Buckety”…I’m gonna work that descriptor into my vocabulary! 🙂
It eventually dawned on me that I sort of had a bucket list without really thinking about it as such, even after the whole “bucket list” thing became a fad. They were just things I really hoped I’d get to do without so much planning for them or arranging ways for them to happen.. For me the problem is I’ve now done them (except fly on a Concorde, and those are no longer flying so that one won’t happen) and find I feel like my life is shrinking somewhat because I’ve no adventures to be wishing will come my way.
I like your list, Michelle, and actually have been leaning in those directions myself. Getting closer to the Lord and sharing His love with others is what we’re all put here for. The Lord bless you as you follow these desires. 😊🙏❤️
Thank you, Pearl. I do like your point about the idea of dreaming of adventures. I’d love to hear about what some of your favorite ones have been. – Michelle
Wow, what a personal and honest piece. This really struck a chord with me. I think there are more people with your type of story than not. On a lighter note (not sure if this is appropriate so please delete as you see fit), but my mother used to always say she did not have a Bucket List, but rather another type of list that rhymed with Bucket List, but she would replace the letter B with the letter F. You know what I mean? Anyhow, she was always trying to encourage me to ease up a little on myself, and whenever I think of her version of a Bucket List, I smile and laugh to myself.
hahaha! I LOVE your mom’s innovation on bucket list! – Michelle
I love the simplicity of your list, and your emphasis on the two great commands. Thank you for this inspiring read!
Oh, Michelle, my hair stood on end as I read your heartfelt article. It’s like I inhabited your thoughts while you were writing. This is EXACTLY my story in detail (except that I am turning 69 this month.) Thank you, thank you, thank you for affirming those of us who do not or cannot pursue a traditional Bucket List (I had been gifted 2 of those books you mentioned…think I am empowered now to pass them on to the giveaway box.) Bless you.
And doesn’t the FL Gulf Coast offer so many opportunities to be grateful!