By Randi Perez Helm
I can remember beginning to feel uneasy when I entered my forties. Not in my day-to-day life, but in ministry.
Ever since I was a teenager, I had been involved in music ministry. I can remember intently listening to artists like Amy Grant and First Call. I’d learn the chords and lyrics by ear and then sing my heart out at the piano. My church home growing up embraced the arts, particularly music, as a form of ministry and outreach. It used contemporary top-20 hits to complement service themes and help create a culture of curiosity, a “seeker” environment that welcomed people regardless of where they might be on their spiritual journey.
The worship atmosphere was modern and creative. Integrating music, media, monologues and/or even dance was a common practice. I thrived in that environment and was given the opportunity to utilize and develop my abilities.
As I grew up, I kept up with current music, secular and Christian, because I loved music.
Eventually, I married, had children, moved to a different state, and joined a different church that also embraced modern styles of worship. I still regularly planned and prepared the worship experience as one of the worship leaders. This included leading all the teams involved. I enjoyed creating and participating in these worship moments but once I had reached my forties, I started to feel insecure.
I noticed a void of middle-aged people on the music teams. Some had left because of busy schedules. Others had different reasons. One woman, in her late 40s, shared with me she felt she was aging-out because she didn’t have the talent of the younger generation. One man, in his early 50s, expressed his anger and hurt feelings because he wasn’t being scheduled very often. He was among the church’s founding members and an integral vocalist in the first 15 years.
But more often than not, when I led worship, 80% of my teammates were under the age of 30.
Having a youthful image and sound is often equated with contemporary, modern, and seemingly relevant. While a certain skill-level is necessary to learn, stay current, and maintain a modern sound, this contemporary worship style has a vibrancy that is often misinterpreted as having a “cool” factor. Apparently, being middle-aged isn’t considered cool.
This dysfunction in worship ministry soon became even clearer to me.
One Sunday, a staff member from the church, around my age, jokingly asked how I felt about being the oldest person on the stage that particular weekend. I was getting the impression that others noticed the age gap too. It made me question if my relevance as a leader was slipping. I found my self uncomfortably self-aware. I understood the draw for younger people to participate in leading the creative efforts in the church; I understood the argument that perhaps a younger worship team or pastor would have an appeal with a multi-generational crowd, more specifically the under-30 crowd.
But I also sensed God’s affirmation that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, through the voices of church leadership and trusted people.
So I leaned in, even with the tension and fear. I wrestled with my insecurities but also believed God was asking me to continue. I started asking how I could improve and grow as a worship leader. It led me to diversify my skills. I began coaching vocalists, local worship directors, pastors, and music teams, encouraging them to develop their skills and practices. I’ve worked with everyone from teenagers to 60-somethings.
I have had more than one conversation with a middle-aged musician wondering if he or she still had to something to offer. Over time, God began revealing ways to respond to this question.
In Acts 3, the Church is in her beginnings. Peter speaks passionately to a large crowd quoting Joel: “’And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour our my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams’” (Acts 3:17 ESV).
The Spirit of God being poured out on the young and the old.
God does not differentiate. He does not discriminate against age. His plan is for all to participate in his work.
I have to admit being a middle-aged woman who leads modern worship has its challenges, but this verse challenged me too. It’s God’s idea for us to stay available to him our entire life. We have to learn how to adapt, let go or lean in, and have courage. Maybe the perception of what is or isn’t relevant in a contemporary style church also needs to expand, and he is using middle aged people like me to push the boundaries.
My life has continued to evolve. My kids are branching out, and my husband and I are eager for new adventures and growth opportunities. I attend a new church where I don’t lead worship, but I continue my coaching and worship-leading ministry with a variety of local churches either as a guest or in an interim role. I still wrestle with insecurity, but as God gives me opportunity I lean in.
In addition to trusting God’s call on our lives, asking ourselves honest questions helps us move from insecurity to wholeness and action:
- How do we keep developing our skills and gifts at middle age?
- What happens when our church no longer requires our service?
- What do we do with self-doubt and feelings of being insignificant or obsolete?
- How do we learn to transition to something new?
- How do we learn to loosen our grip on things that we must let go of, things that are maybe letting go of us?
What fuels and liberates our purpose is our ability to face our fears and insecurities and allow Christ to soothe our wounds and clarify our identity. Embracing our age and stage in life allows us to discover and cultivate our best self for the sake of Christ’s church.
I’m a creative who is finding the second half of life has far more twists and turns than expected but is richer and fuller than I could have dreamed. I live in the Midwest with my husband, and we have two kids in their twenties. My work as a worship leader, vocal coach, and writer keep me humble. If you long for beauty and significance in the ordinary life, check out my blog, www.randiperezhelm.
Photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash
“What happens when our church no longer requires our service?”
I read that question several times thinking that surely I had read it wrongly. I conclude that the answer must be another question –
“What does your church really worship – God or the act of worshipping?”
The God I serve doesn’t fire people because they can’t keep up with the trends.
Honestly, I’m not trying to be contrary – But I do feel like a voice crying in the wilderness. Something is not right but it’s on such a grand scale it’s too big to see.
April,
Thank you for your comments. What I was referring to here is when organizational structures change and the ministry you had always been a part of is no longer in operation or doesn’t operate in the same way. I’ve seen that happen many times over. The Church needs all of us, always! I’m referring to changes that occur during the course of ministry seasons where you find yourself without a specific place to use your gifts in the same way as you always had done.
I appreciate your heart.
Your comment, “What does your church really worship – God or the act of worshipping?”
That is an honest observation that I think many can resonate with. For clarity sake, that is a wonderful and relevant conversation to have but it is not what I’m referring to. In this blog I’m mainly referring to my experience and how I’ve responded. With music there is a skill set required to be able to participate. I’ve worked hard to continually develop and expand my abilities through the years, despite the changes and insecurities that have come with being middle-aged. Others maybe would have chosen a different path than I had when faced with a similar situation.
I can see that it is sometimes difficult to differentiate between keeping up with the trends versus authentic worship. Being culturally contemporary can sometimes come off as trendy. I totally get that. We do always need to examine our hearts and motives in leading worship, along with our effectiveness in leading the Church. If we are not leading the Church in worshipping God, we are not leading well. No matter what music is used. If we are more concerned with being culturally trendy, rather than relevant, authentic and earnest in our worship ministry, then we are not creating a culture where people can discover and worship the Lord. Thank you for your comments. These are important conversations to have.
Randi, I am just cheering for you like a fan girl this morning!
My sister has given herself to church music ministry all her life, and is now experiencing the heart break of being “phased out,” not scheduled, and not valued. Thank you for that scriptural admonition that all believers are conduits of the Spirit and therefore, able to participate and add value to a ministry team.
Michele,
Thank you for being my fan girl today! I’m sorry for the pain and hurt your sister is experiencing. I’ve learned in the past number of years that things feel like “organized” ministry, such as in music ministry, is constantly transitioning. These changes can be so painful. Sometimes we find new life for our purpose and skills and other times we have to reinvent ourselves and continue to get to work. Either way, it’s up to us to figure out how to stay engaged. Not always a clear or easy path! Blessings to you in your mid-life journey. May we all continue to give God our fears and insecurities and keep showing up!
I can so relate to your post, Randi – thank you for it! I am 54 and have been a worship leader off-and-on for 15-20 years. I am grateful to be able to say that in my church — where, like yours, most of the music team members are >30 — my singing and leading gifts are valued and I am seen as an essential member of the worship team ministry. BUT I know others who feel like they are being shuttled aside so I don’t take anything for granted. I do so admire your taking the initiative to work the discomfort and figuring out even more deeply where your place of service is. That’s inspiring.
Oops, in my previous comment I meant most of my church’s worship musicians are 30!! Now THAT would be something!!!
Aaaaaarrrrrggggh my phone is haunted! I corrected my first comment, and autocorrect corrected my correction! I meant “most of the worship musicians in my church are under 30.” Now I am going to click “post comment” one more time, and if it comes out wrong again I will just climb into bed with a glass of wine and never return to this website as long as I live…
Jeannie…you are making me laugh hysterically! I appreciate your words of affirmation. There have been moments of discomfort but I’m glad God has whispered in my ear to keep moving through the discomfort. Letting go or learning something new isn’t always easy and does require energy, but I’m learning more and more how capable I am, regardless of age.
I tend to take 10 years off of this…I’d say it more like in my 20s I displaced many in their 30s and 40s.
I stepped off stage and began to “lead from the booth” and have been doing it ever since. I just think there are a couple hundred thousand churches where I could lead worship, but I think I’d rather be engaged at a place in service where I’m not good enough for be on the platform, but still serving and playing a significant role. Sometimes that’s behind the scenes, parking cars, or wiping the bathroom sink off. I think if I like the music, at 47, there’s a problem because it’s not forward enough.
ps. my bald buds get a pass. You can’t tell how old they are. I should add I was turning gray at a ripe age of 34.
Dave,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I think it’s awesome that you are finding vital ways to use your gifts and abilities. I like a challenge myself so I understand your desire to be in a place where others’ ability with certain skills, challenge you to be better. Good for you! So glad you continue to remain engaged. I’m sure you are very important to the teams you participate on! Blessings brother! P.S. I think bald guys are pretty cool.
I’ve been involved in worship ministries since my young teens. While I sing a variety of genres I am a classical musician in my professional life as well as being a voice teacher. I have found that in the evangelical church there is a very unfortunate bias against traditional and classical music. Ageism is clearly a factor in many churches as well. I’ve been ministering in my own church for over 30 years and while I feel sad that I do not get to sing the challenging and rich music of the sacred genre I do still have the opportunity to sing on the worship team and in the choir of our “blended” service.
My beef, if I were to state it that way, is that churches no longer teach nor encourage their congregations to appreciate music that is deep and complex and carries with it a history of faith that goes beyond trends or preferences. Texts are often taken right from the word of God, or they are beautiful, poetic renderings of theological concepts.
Larry Norman’s song of the 70’s, “Why Should the Devil Have All the Good Music” was a song for the times; the result of that era was that rock music was incorporated into the fabric of Christian worship. The sad reality is that the sacred classics fell to the wayside in churches. Arias or choral numbers from the Bach Magnificat, Mendelssohn’s Elijah even the scores of John Rutter’s church anthems–are heard more often in concert halls by professional choirs whose members and audiences may not even share the faith they’re singing about. (One exception would be Handel’s Messiah which still enjoys a popular place in the music of the holidays.) My query is, why shouldn’t the church have all that good music as well?
At one time the church was a major patron of the fine arts. The evangelical church has lost that and we’re so much the poorer for it.
I recognize that these are generalizations and that there are in fact bright spots where the church is encouraging a flourishing of classical music. This however, is far too rare. Our shallowness will catch up with us. Perhaps it already has.
Carol,
Thank you for sharing your comments and experiences. I’m sure there are many who would admit to having a similar experience. There are some churches who’ve found a balance of these musical traditions where others have embraced mainly modern forms of music and allowed that to be an identity marker for their congregation. I recognize that these changes have caused a variety of responses from my middle aged friends. Everybody has differing opinions. Depending on the tradition that you come from you might lean in one direction more than another.
But as I get older I realize that change always comes and it’s up to me to figure out how to respond. It’s up to me to immerse myself in prayer, understand the heartbeat of God throughout His scriptures and discern the Holy Spirit’s leading in light of leadership, cultural and generational changes. It is beneficial to learn about and do my best to understand all generations.
It sounds like you have found a place to be in your home church. Recognizing that perhaps there are expressions your church could benefit from and yet is not interested in, all the while, continuing to support and serve, is a sign of maturity and grace. The Church is blessed by dear souls like yours.
There are good traditions and practices that have gone by the way side throughout the generations. But as history tends to repeat itself, new generations revisit ancient paths and rediscover the ageless truths and blessings from previous traditions within the Church. There is a slow re-emergence of liturgical corporate experiences in young adults. This is influencing the dynamics of Evangelical corporate experience as they look into the future. It will be interesting to see what the Church looks like in 10-15 years.
My prayer for us who reside in the middle years (and that is a whole lot of us), is that we do not check out because it feels like someone else’s game now. I pray we lean in and discern our role and season. And that looks very different from one person to the next. That’s the surprising thing about middle age. Sometimes God does ask to let go, to have courage, to move on or to lean in.
Blessings to you Carol in your journey.
It seems to be the trend, to have the hip and hot lead worship. So many churches are trying their best to remain current and cool, but in the end, those who worship in spirit and in truth offer the King praise which is holy and honest and pure. I enjoy a variety of songs, new ones, hip ones, liturgical ones, hymns, etc.
God bless what the Lord has for you nonetheless! You are a mentor.
Jessica,
You are kind, thank you. There are no handbooks that come with this season for me so I hope others can learn something helpful from what I’ve shared. Yes, there is so much room for variety. Now more than ever people, especially 20 somethings, really crave diversity in music. As leaders in the Church our first priority is what you mentioned, leading people to worship in spirit and truth, no matter the music or style. Thank you sharing today.
Excellent article Randi. Thank you for sharing your observations and experience. May they teach us all about serving, humility, and when it’s time for change.
Thank you Debby. I hope we can continue to learn as we grow older.