And I hold her

by | Mar 21, 2019 | Caregiving, Spiritual Formation | 4 comments

by Poet-Pastor Larry P. Morris

Editor’s note: We don’t publish a lot of poetry, but believe these holy words offer a perspective we rarely hear – that of a husband walking alongside a beloved wife battling Stage 4 cancer.

I held her while she sobbed

“I’m sorry I yelled at you” she said

“I feel like I’m such a poor partner” she said.

And she sobbed and shook

“I’m so tired” she said

“if there weren’t signs I am getting better

I would end it”

“I love you” I said

“I understand”

But mostly

I just held her.


She has stage four ovarian cancer

She is in her fourth round of chemo

She has a skin infection

And pain 

And she drains fluid out of her abdomen daily

And has fluid drained out from around her lungs at the hospital

Twice a week

And there are signs that she is getting better

And signs that she is not

And she is weary

Weary

Weary

And I hold her

I write my about my experience of finding The Holy in ordinary things, simple moments, deep relationship and in hard times. Much of my recent writing has been about my experience as a caregiver for my wife, who has ovarian cancer.  I am a full time COO for a manufacturing company and a part time clergyman at Holy Spirit Lutheran Church in Kirkland WA.  I have published three books of my poetry and prose:  Among Us: Stories of Worship and Faith, Flirting With the Mystery: Stories of Faith Life and Cancer, and Creative Souls: Color, Words and Spirit.


4 Comments

  1. carol hiestand
    carol hiestand on March 21, 2019 at 2:13 pm

    No easy answers
    or lessons
    or how to’s
    or scripture verses
    to make it seem better
    rather real life
    lived in real time
    holding each other
    it’s what we do.

    thank you for this, I look forward to finding more of what you write. thank you for sharing a vignette of your lives in the middle of great pain. I have learned holding someone is the most profound offering.

    • Sue
      Sue on March 21, 2019 at 3:31 pm

      This is beautiful, thank you for sharing. Also a poignant reminder that the best we can do is offer presence to another who is suffering.

    • Larry morris
      Larry morris on March 23, 2019 at 4:15 am

      Thank you Carol.

  2. Beth Drechsel
    Beth Drechsel on March 22, 2019 at 10:37 pm

    Thank you for sharing. You are doing exactly what you need to be doing, holding her. Your love for each other shines through your tears.