Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.
Proverbs 16:31
Sigh.
Michelle Van Loon
I started dyeing my hair in my early 40’s. My unruly dark brown curls were sprouting wiry grays at a pace that alarmed me, so I started covering them with drugstore color every month. When I let my always-short hair grow longer in my early 50’s, I discovered I couldn’t touch up those roots without splattering dye all over the bathroom, and started seeing a hairdresser each month, which made that seven dollar dye job cost fifty or more bucks. As a result, I trimmed costs in other areas in order to guarantee I’d see a brown haired me in the mirror each morning.
As a result, I had no idea how fast that brown was turning to white until I wasn’t able to have my monthly date with the hairdresser after I had an accident in 2017 that led to surgery, then blood clot complications afterward. The picture below showed about 10-12 weeks of growth on the day I was able to return to the hairdresser’s chair to return me to my brown-haired glory.
I realized I wasn’t resisting turning gray as much as I was resisting chopping off my shoulder-length hair, which would have been an efficient way to rid myself of the skunk-stripe look.
A friend and I made an agreement that we’d both ditch the dye by the time we were 60. She chopped her hair short, and had an adorable silver pixie as a result. Meanwhile, I researched tips and techniques for growing in gray, while I continued the monthly march to the hairdresser. I threw some lighter highlights in my hair, and puzzled over how to make the jump. 60 came and went.
Then COVID-19 happened. Salons closed, and after another frustrating attempt to touch up my roots, I decided it was time.
At this point, I’m about six months into the process, and there’s no turning back. To be honest, I am still a little shocked every time I look in the mirror. I am salt and pepper, heavy on the salt, instead of a glorious silver. I am grateful not to be forking over big bucks to the hairdresser each month. And I’m still learning about how deeply formed I’ve been by how beauty and vitality are defined in our culture. Certainly, there are some images in fashion and advertising that now include older women with graying hair, but they often seem to be token nods in the direction of diversity, rather than as a true celebration.
I am alive, and I want to celebrate who I am becoming today. I am promising myself that when the old dye is gone, I’ll give that hairdresser a few bucks to throw in some temporary purple highlights to crown my gray with fireworks.
I know that some of you have used this time at home to take this journey. I’d love to hear how it’s going for you. And for those of you who are continuing to dye, I honor you! It’s a big commitment.
In any case, just in case no one has told you so today, you’re beautiful.
Love this post, Michelle! I decided to stop hiding the grey when we moved to the mountains eight years ago. I am who I am, a child of God, embracing this season of life.
Embracing this season of life, and being embraced by it!
This is speaking to me, Michelle. But … It’s going the other direction for me. Let me explain.
For most of my life, I had this thing about feeling ugly. If I let the counselor dig deep enough, I am sure we’d come up with hurting comments that were made by those who were suppose to be the encouragers. I prided myself all these years, that I never felt the need to color my hair. I grayed gracefully and slowly. Make-up was always something I did so I wouldn’t stick out, never wearing anything except eyeliner and foundation.
Then my oldest got married this summer. My wonderful friend who had tried to convince me for years to get my hair colored, grabbed me by my insecurities and convinced me to let her brush “sun-kissed” on my head.
Looking at my hair in the mirror I realized that I hardly ever look past my color, my thinning hair, my new wrinkles or the eyelids that for some reason have make me look like my shades are half drawn.
Looking beneath all of that takes some courage … But I believe it’s well worth our taking some time and stay there.
BTW, you are beautiful, Michelle – just incase no one has told you.
Love the sun-kissed look, and learning to honor who you are – when the sun is “kissing” and when it’s not – is the gift and challenge of this life stage. 🙂
Beautiful! And, yes, it is definitely a big commitment, so thanks for sharing your story. I’m in my mid-forties, had been coloring my hair since 30 and finally ditched the dye/highlights game a year and half ago. I actually really love the natural colors coming through. Plus, I follow plenty of “silver sisters” on Instagram to keep me motivated to love my glitter strands. Solidarity helps. 🙂
I’ve been following some of those IG accounts, too. Motivation!
Michelle, what a fun post to read. I recently turned 65 and found that I wanted to embrace this new stage of “Silver Sneakers,” “AARP” and Medicare. I went out and tried to ride my bike again for the first time in over 5 years. My balance isn’t what it used to be. I fell off at the end of my driveway. Ok, a new way to embrace.. I will start a new exercise regiment. Two days in and my hips hurt and my back hurt. This is NOT the way to embrace turning 65. Finally, I made the decision to let the gray come out from hiding. It has been amazing how people have treated me differently since that decision was made. My hair is short and it didn’t take long for the gray to literally take root. The guy at the meat counter in the grocery store started talking about the lost generation of our parents. Before I started embracing gray, people thought I was 40 or 45. There’s been a real freedom for me in this newly uncovered gray. I hope you find the same.
THIS is why I do not have a bike! 😉 I am balance-challenged, too, which is why I needed surgery in 2017.
Your words and experience encourage me!
Michelle, I’ve wondered how to do it myself. I was a natural light blonde for years. In my 40s I started getting this yucky brown, so I highlighted. Here I am almost 67 and decided to stop the highlights. I know there are some white hairs in there, but here goes nothing! Thanks for being brave.
Michelle, I’ve wondered how to do it myself. I was a natural light blonde for years. In my 40s I started getting this yucky brown, so I highlighted. Here I am almost 67 and decided to stop the highlights. I know there are some white hairs in there, but here goes nothing! Thanks for being brave.
This is wonderful, Michelle, and I think the latest pic of you looks awesome.
I went gray in 2019 (at age 55) after colouring for 10 years. (When my son was 7, I didn’t appreciate people thinking I was his grandmother, but it’s different now that he’s grown.) Having a short haircut made the process easier, for sure. I got SO many compliments, even in the awkward middle stages: “People pay big bucks for that effect!” etc. I’m so glad I did it; it has saved a lot of stress and time. Thanks for sharing your own journey; this is a very relevant issue!
I’m so excited for you Michelle. There will be days you doubt your decision, but don’t look back! You know my story, and that taking care of Pam left no time for coloring my hair. After her death, it just never seemed important what color my hair was. I have a cute little bob cut now and love my hair. No regrets! None!!!
Welcome to the club! As you know I’ve been graying since my late 20’s and finally gave up dying my hair in my mid-forties. I had a little back slide when I got my master’s in the hope someone would hire me. They didn’t. So gray and long I went again until. DUN DUN DUN…COVID had me even more housebound than usual. Long story short, I decided to add purple to my hair in the hopes I’d have those “sexy” purple highlights. It did not go well and turned my whole head a nasty shade of brown/purple. Fortunately it was semi-permanent and is fading fast. With luck it will have faded out by the time the vaccine is available, 12 months from now . Mazel on going gray!
I found a lot of support with Facebook’s “Curly Silvers” group, and a few youtube views on embracing the gray. I am loving my new gray and I hope you get to love it too! Even young ones, in their 20′ s and 30’s are DYEING their hair gray. It’s really “in” right now. More power to you!
The gray looks good on you! I thought of letting my hair go gray during the pandemic. I made it until about June then decided I wasn’t ready yet and pulled out the dye again. I’m 57, so I’ll give myself 3 more years. 🙂