by Beth Foreman
Let’s talk about gray hair.
I first spotted gray hairs when I was in my early forties. It didn’t bother me then because I could pluck them, one by one. For a while. And my handsome husband has had gray hairs since the day I met him. But then they — who are “they” anyway? — always say gray-haired men look distinguished. Women, well, it’s not that simple. Or maybe it is.
By my mid-forties, I started covering the gray because when I looked in the mirror, I cringed. I’m getting old, I thought. I’m too young to be old. And to this day, I color my hair.
Much of this is driven by our youth- and beauty-obsessed culture.
Must of this is driven by my vanity.
Most of this is driven by my fear.
The gray hair means I am inching closer and closer to my final season of life. I may no longer be valuable. All those places I long to see. All the words I need to write. All the love I desire to give. Time is ticking. And maybe if I cover the gray, I can pretend that it’s going slower than it really is.
When I see the gray roots, I can cringe and scramble to get another appointment, to encourage an untruth. (Hey, maybe she’s in her fifties.)
Or maybe instead of cringing, I can see each gray hair as a reminder of eternity and then praise God.
Right here, right now, I’m floating in between those two perspectives. Cringe or praise. Or maybe I can do both. Cringe and praise. Now that’s a thought.
God’s truth in Proverbs 16:31 is most fitting here. “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” I am reminded of the Fourth Commandment. “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12. God wants us to live long in this land. Yes. Yet because we live in this fallen world, that might not happen. So because I have lived long enough to gain some gray hair, then perhaps I shouldn’t hide that gift.
But I struggle: I’m not sure I’m ready for gray. I know so many women who lively joyfully with gray hair, and women who live joyfully with colored hair. One isn’t right and the other wrong. That’s not the point here. The question is — where is my heart in all of this?
And then I find myself in a puddle of tears as I realize who I have been listening to in all of this. The world. My stylist. Dear well-intentioned friends who tell me I’ll age ten years if I stop coloring my hair. I return to God’s Word and realize I have not talked to God about this. Ever.
So that’s where I’ll begin again today in prayer to the One who created me and knew me before time began. He knew I would stare into the mirror and wonder if I should cancel my next hair-coloring appointment. He knows I won’t have the answer right away.
Still, I examine my heart, seek His forgiveness for being too concerned with my reflection in the mirror, and trust.
Cringe and praise. Sinner and saint.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. –2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)
Beth is a nothing fancy, saved-by-grace sinner who loves to walk on the beach and write stories — her stories, her characters’ stories, and God’s stories. She has published devotions, Bible studies, feature profiles, and Sunday School curriculum. Currently working on her first novel, she writes at bethforeman.com about grace, books, closets, and more good things.
This is so encouraging! Thank you for pointing our hearts back to our Creator.
Thank you, Andrea, for taking time to share! It’s a blessing to write words that encourage AND point hearts to God.
Well. This hits close to home!
Last time I was at my stylist,she remarked that my hair is getting harder to take color. Oh, boy. So we do this and that to blend with my silver, but the day is coming.
I’ve wondered about this since I was 16 and used Sun-In to be a “summer blond.” Why can’t I just use the hair God gave me the way it is?
When I was pregnant, I didn’t color my hair because of some reason with chemicals. When my son was about a year old, I looked in the mirror one morning and saw so much grey, it was like a crown.
Oh,boy. So I went back to coloring my hair.
Grey has never been a good wardrobe color for me as it washes me out, makes my skin color look funny. Surely, if I had grey hair it would do the same.😁
But I’m okay with coloring my hair, and being the best I can be without surgical intervention. I’m not as young as I used to be but I want my countenance to reflect my youth in my heart, and my willingness to try new things, go different places, laugh with my husband, play with my grandson with no cares of being too “old.”
The day will come soon enough and we’ll still be us, our “essence” will still remain regardless of the face in the mirror.
I wonder for some, if the same thoughts apply to wearing mascara, eyelinet. Or, having my lip and chin waxed-which is one beauty practice I’ll never stop!
I think we can do it all in modesty, not to draw attention to ourselves. Since we might be found in front of groups, speaking or leading, I think the less distracting we are, perhaps we can be more useful to God. He may be more entertained by our questioning than judging.
I think there’s a book in this topic, Beth, a funny book. I’d call it, “What Happened To My Eyebrows? Why Are They Growing Out Of My Chin?”
Let’s Relax and grow old together with or without grey hair.
Thanks for sharing your story, KJ! I’ll have to find that book. I agree about the modesty and how each one of us makes personal decisions that work for us. I love what you say about your countenance reflecting your youthful heart! Such a beautiful perspective that I’m going to adopt! Amen, sister, to relaxing and growing old together.
This was a great read!
I am 56 years old and I don’t color my hair. I am a retired hairdresser. In the past I have always always colored my hair. But when cancer took it all away, I gained a new perspective on things.
God made each of us uniquely. He gave me the gray hair. So I’m gonna let it shine! Do I wish it were still chocolate brown? Yes! But this is the phase of life I’m in and with my aging body, my hair is aging too! I will no longer pretend to be younger than I am by coloring my hair! It is the most freeing thing to never have to worry about roots! And oh the money that is saved by not spending on my vanity!
We’re aging. It’s ok. Doesn’t mean we have to sit on the sofa waiting to die! My hair is gray and I am still living a youthful life!!!
Hi Deb! Thank you for sharing your story! I cannot imagine losing all my hair as you — although I have my own cancer journey — just radiation. I can really see how freeing it would be to never worry about those pesky roots and trying to plan out the time it takes to do it. I love that you are gray and still living a youthful life. Beautiful!